The world. My oyster.

So now that Airika's going to be raking in the money I suddenly find myself staring at limitless possibilities. Once we get to Minnesota, I really can do whatever the hell I want. The freedom is a weird feeling, and kind of disheartening because I've just come across a terrible realization: I have no idea what the fuck I want to do.

I always thought I had it down. Work at a newspaper, get my name out there, write a book, make a ton of money, basically turn into Larry David on Curb. This has been The Plan. Well, The Plan got sidetracked by five years of the trucking industry. I took the job at Yellow out of necessity. When I took it, I was working part time at the comic shop and full time at the newspaper. I loved, LOVED those jobs, but I the money I was making barely covered the gas I was using. So I did what every good northeast Ohioan does and took a job I hated to make ends meet. "Just for a year or two to pay off some bills." Four years, two giant televisions, two new cars, a computer or two, etc, here I sit, miserable and really no better off.

And now that I can see the cover of this latest book closing, I'm not sure I want to go back to newspapers. Hell, I'm not sure the newspapers will have me back. The longer you stay in trucking, the harder it is to do anything but trucking. The rate at which your vocab shrinks while yelling at Teamsters is amazing. My writing has clearly suffered, as has my tolerance for...anything.

So do I really want to go back to the world of police blotters and high school football and small business openings? Sigh. Maybe I do. It was an easy gig, and I was kind of a rock star around the communities I covered.

In Minnesota, I'll have three options: Get a job at some newspaper or magazine, which may be hard or even impossible. Go back to school. Or find something else entirely. School is strangely appealing, but I have no idea what I'd go back for. A masters in creative writing seems logical, but gee, is that really going to get me anywhere? And I've just spent five years in the 'something else' field. I'm a little too old and weary to be taking another wrong turn, I think.

So here I am. So happy about starting new, but already fucking exhausted with figuring out what I'm going to do with the opportunity. I can't wait to get started, but I'm scared of what I'm going to find. Because I think I'm going to find that I'm not qualified for shit.

Nnnggg. Who'd have thought freedom would be so constricting?